Don’t know the last time I posted, probably should have checked prior to writing if I was going to mention it this way… probably will after I write this then leave it as is because I’m stubborn about my truths. I don’t know if this will travel sideways, slantways, longways, or backways (wow, already two Wonka references and not even a paragraph in), but that’s what you sign up for with me!
Right now is the first time I’ve had to do 9 – 5 work weeks, and I’m drained. To my credit though, it’s not like it’s down the street… 1) It’s an hour commute EACH. WAY. Basically, I leave the house at 6:30 a.m. and get home… 12 hours later assuming all goes well. 2) I commute in with my dad, who has to [aim to] be at his office at 8 a.m. so I have to find somewhere to be for a little over an hour before arriving at my internship site. I hate frequenting places, and I hate trying to find ways to spend time in public. This also adds an additional hour or more of ‘public time,’ which is something I generally try to minimize in order to retain some life force. (Social anxiety: where even the potential threat of social interaction causes you to lose charge). 3) After ALL that, I still have to spend the entire day interacting, being positive, human-ing! Although I enjoy what I’m doing and everyone is generally great, I really cherish the couple days a week that I have solitary time at lunch. I am halfway done*, though. YAY!
*143 / 280 hours if you’re curious, which is actually a little OVER halfway 😉
Shooting off of that thought, I have accepted an offer for school next year AND found a place to live! Moreover, where I will be living is super centrally located– only a block or two away from the university I will be attending and about the same distance from the market and the mall. It’s pretty much the opposite situation from what I’ve just had for the past 4 years in that regard. Well, in many regards actually: I’ve never lived away from home, or with someone whom I’m not related… I am also basing my degree in something I have basically zero knowledge in. Actually, I have zero experience with research, period– never mind the subject matter (but also, yeah, that too). It’s not that I make baseless decisions, but rather that intuition is my final tying factor so it often ends up being a bit of a cliff dive off the logical solution… oops. Being an anxious introvert with stubborn trailblazing tendencies and a strong need to make a difference in the world is a balance– never the noun, just the verb.
I guess to summarize I just feel weird, maybe? I feel like I am actually leaving somewhere worth missing, though at the same time like it has run its course. I am hopeful about what my new adventure will bring, but am unsure if it’s merely my cluelessness (wait, that’s a word? cool.) blinding me.
Note to self: Reality is the place you live… Be thoughtful actively, dream to create, imagine to innovate, and love to replenish.
^^ (I’m gonna say that works as my lil’ sign-off, too)