While my field of study is science (will be discussed further in the future), I am at my very core a creative. Actually, that is what feeds the science side of me… but I digress.
I have always been drawn to writing. My mind is constantly so filled with flurries of different thoughts and ideas and the computation of different paths and perspectives that it only seems natural for me to map it. Being introverted as well, it helps me to untangle and understand in a way that allows me the time and space I need.
As with anything else, however, that doesn’t mean it’s all roses. Over the past few years, my writing practice has been effectively obsolete (and don’t even ask about my drawing!). I used to write daily. I would write a good page or more of full-sized college ruled paper… Until I didn’t. Some days I was tired of being so full, and others so dull. I felt like maybe there isn’t really any resolve, maybe I’m just spinning my wheels, maybe I’m just too idealistic, too hopeful. More than merely hating those feelings, I hated that I hated them! I couldn’t even begin to try to feel them. The thing is, leaning into the feelings is hard. They always tell you it takes work, but it also takes work to even GET to the other work. So we tend not to.
At this point in time, my life is hectic, to say the least. I never even fully talk about it because I don’t want to stress other people out over it and because there are many things in life only you yourself can understand, no matter who you tell or what you say. Surprisingly, I have been doing better than I think I ever have. Things seem to be easier even when they force me to reach. I am finally feeling real grounding and real growth beyond the theoretical of my mind. While I’m sad I felt so especially out-of-tune for so long, I don’t think it was for nothing. While the practice of creativity is so important, I managed to grow tremendously in other areas and to rediscover my creativity on my own terms. Because of this, my practice feels less like an obligatory aspect of my being fed by how people have categorized me up to now, and more like an organic and evolving expression.
And now, this! I will continue to complete my simple journaling on a daily basis (i.e. writing just about my day and any associated thoughts), as well as with other associated practices, and expand here where I see fit. While I very much expect exactly one reader *cough* myself *cough, cough* maybe I’ll surprise myself with what I come up with even still. 🙂
Goodnight; Breathe and extend yourself grace